The Merchant's Pitch
by Dr. Bross
Summary: The shady merchant in Resident Evil 4 answers to one thing, and one thing only. Money. But hey... he's the one holding all the weapons. Why not give him what he wants? A customer. Now featuring the Infinite Launcher.
1. The Merchant's Pitch

-Resident Evil 4

--The Merchant's Pitch

Over here, stranger. Got some good things on sale, stranger. Heh heh.

I see you must not be from around here. Cause in this country we do business. You won't find many people leavin' their things out in the open. It's likely to be stolen if you know what I mean.

But take a look around stranger. I have anything you need to keep your head on straight in this part of the world. Got some handguns. Got some shotguns. Got some big guns, got some small guns. But I guarantee all of them are in tip-top shape. Just the kind of thing you'll need once you step beyond those doors over there. The villagers ain't real friendly to outsiders. Specially the village chief. Course, you all ready know that. Heh heh.

There's a cult in town you know. Givin' people all sorts of nasty stuff. On the other hand, they're the reason why I can do business. I got myself an injection of some sort and now I can do all kinds of good things. Good things stranger. Like havin' all these weapons on hand when I ran into you. You couldn't begin to imagine how easy it is to carry things and move them around after I got that shot.

On the other hand, the entire village got the same treatment, and now they're lookin' to hang you out to dry. Well, don't worry stranger, I can help you with that.

Now, take a look at this here handgun. The Red9. I found this beauty in a castle not too far from here. It was tucked away in this drawer, and I figured it'd get some real use when it found an owner that needed it. Kind of like you. Has some real firepower stranger. But it is a bit heavy. You might want the stock too. Yep, does some good work with the stock. A real heavy hitter. Of course, the load time does drag on. But don't worry. I can help you there too. I know all sorts of things about the weapons I carry. I can upgrade them... for a price. Heh heh.

If the Red9 ain't your fancy, stranger, you might want to take a look at the Blacktail. A real fine handgun. Real fine. There's an island not too far from here. Has a nice armory. It's where I got most of my stuff. The guys there weren't using any of the guns they had stocked up, so I figured it'd be best to get all these fine weapons out into the open. This Blacktail was part of the stock, a real fine buy if I do say so myself. The reload times are a snap, and the firing rate is real nice. You should consider it, stranger.

But maybe you didn't come for the handguns. I knew you were out for the real beauties in my selection here.

The Shotgun and Riotgun have some real stopping power. I think you'll find them handy in a mob situation. They can knock a normal man to their feet. Heh heh. Yep, I think you'll find a shotgun real handy. Of course, I can't forget the Striker. It's more about quantity over quality if you know what I mean. Course, the best way to find out is to buy it. Why don't you hold it for a second? Real light, stranger. It's also got a compact design that's great for small spaces. This was another weapon I found up at that island. No one there was using it. And I couldn't let such a fine weapon gather dust. Heh heh.

Now, let's not forget about rifles. Real high power weapons I have here. The bolt-action does take some getting used to. Gotta cock it after each shot you know. But it has power second to none. It has some real style to it. For those who know what they're doin'. Where I found this, no one knew what they were doin'. So I find that it's my job to get these fine guns into the hands of someone who knows what they're doin'. Like you, stranger. Of course, if this old-style bolt-action rifle ain't your thing. Why don't you try the Semi-Auto? Quantity over quality, stranger.

What's that you say? Ah... I see you have an eye for things. The Broken Butterfly is a .45 magnum revolver. It's a real show to fire this beauty off, but that's not the only thing about it. Gun's not just about shootin'. It's about reloadin'. It takes a man with a real steady nerve to enjoy a gun like this. Of course, the payoff is real nice. Not many people left standing after getting hit with this firearm. Why don't you buy it? Try it out. I think you'll be real pleased with this gun. You'll know what I'm talkin' about.

What's that stranger? Ah... the Mine Thrower. This is a real odd weapon I also found on that island. It fires mines with grappling caps. So, you'll not only need cash to buy this, but you'll need guts too. If you happen to hit a target that's walkin' right up to you... you're gonna need to clear out right quick, stranger. Heh heh. But it's a real fine weapon. Looks like it came from where you did. It just looks... real American to me. So I wouldn't count on finding any ammunition. But I would be happy to upgrade the clip size and give you a complete reload. Heh heh. Assuming you got the cash that is.

This is it.I'm savin' the best for last, stranger. Now, what we got here, is a real powerhouse. It's an RPG you might refer to as a Rocket Launcher. This will put anything down in one spectacular explosion. If you ever face a real large crowd and happen to have this on hand, oh... it's a real treat. A real treat. Just fire away, stranger. Fire away like there's no tomorrow. Oh, did I mention you only get one shot? Don't worry. I can have more Rocket Launchers at your disposal as soon as you need them. 30,000 each stranger.

Now don't look at me like that. I'm tryin' to make a livin' out here. The cult in the area thinks their religion and their "sample" will make them all-powerful. But you and I know the real power in this world, right stranger? Money, and lots of it. Money is the real influence. It ain't some... miracle injection, or some fancy gun. What you'll need to survive out here is a steady cash flow. I'd keep an eye out for any treasures, because I would love to trade a good weapon for any valuables you might find. Heh heh.

Well, that's about all I can say about that stranger. Just take your time and make sure you bought the right weapon for you. It'd be a real shame if we wouldn't meet again. After all, I'm always expanding my arsenal. You never know what might show up. Heh heh.

So come a little closer, take a good look. Got some real good things on sale, stranger. Real good things.


	2. The HandCannon

-Resident Evil 4

-The Merchant's Pitch

-The HandCannon

"Stranger? Ha hah. What you need that for? Going huntin' an elephant?"

Leon Scott Kennedy flipped open the chamber of the .50 caliber magnum revolver. The Merchant standing across from him behind a crude table called it the "HandCannon". It had a brown grip and a shiny gunmetal gray frame. There was also a built in laser sight right under the barrel. All in all, it looked like if you pulled the trigger, you'd be finding yourself on the ground placed firmly on your behind.

"No. I'm hunting something bigger." Leon replied while snapping the chamber close.

"Ah well, I believe you. Heh heh. It'll do the job that's for sure. A real winner that one."

The Merchant watched Leon aim it at a make believe target off in the distance.

"Gettin' to know the weight of that weapon is the secret there. There aren't no fancy trick shots with that gun stranger. Just straight up shootin'."

"Right."

Now Leon was fooling around with the laser sight and seeing where it would show up on a nearby crate.

"I heard all sorts of interestin' things about this gun, stranger. I heard they developed it through a series of tests using different people an different weapons. It's made to take on anythin' you throw at it."

"Tests?" Leon was now looking at the Merchant in a confused way.

"Oh yeah. Real harsh tests. They measured the results of people with an array of weaponry and skills. But I don't think they used cardboard cutouts for targets... if you know what I mean."

The Merchant watched Leon aim the weapon again before continuing.

"The HandCannon is made to take the place of everythin' in a modern arsenal. Made to be an all rounder. Heh heh."

"You mean it's made to be the only gun you'll ever need in a combat situation?"

"Don't leave home without it."

Leon was skeptical, and it was easy to tell by the expression on his face. It wasn't so much what the Merchant was saying. It was more about what the Merchant was saying **and **the fact that he was practically handing out the gun. There was no price tag attached to the HandCannon. It was on the Merchant's list for 0 pesetas.

"Right, that's why it's free." Leon said sarcastically.

"I don't know what you mean, mate. The HandCannon is the real deal. That gun you got there stranger, there was some real blood, sweat and tears put into it. Most likely months of dedication. It wasn't earned easily, that's for sure."

"Then why are you just handing it out to me? What's the catch?" Leon continued to press.

"Aw, come now stranger. Don't be like that." The Merchant nearly laughed. "I figured you could use another weapon on the house since you're such a loyal customer."

Leon crossed his arms. It was obvious he wasn't buying the Merchant's explanation this time.

"Oh... alright then. It does take some personal work before you really get to enjoy the best qualities of the gun. You could say... it ain't quite finished. But it has limitless potential. It's worth every penny."

Leon opened the chamber again and confirmed a suspicion he had from the last time he looked. The chamber for the HandCannon only had slots for three rounds.

"Is that why the chamber only has enough room for three rounds?"

"Oh it's real easy to fix up stranger. It's just not very cheap... Heh heh. I hope you have lots of money... You'll need it."

"I should have known." Leon sighed.

"Oh come now, stranger. You know how this works. Besides, you know its money well spent. It may be costly, but I always deliver."

If Leon didn't know better, he could swear there was a big grin behind the Merchant's hidden face. The gun was free. Even if it was a waste of time, he wasn't losing any thing over it. And maybe the upgrades were worth something like the Merchant suggested...

"Fine. I'll take it."

"Heh heh heh. Thank you." The Merchant cackled.

There was a pause as Leon put the weapon away and then gave a long look at the Merchant.

"Where did you get this anyway?" Leon asked slowly.

"I can't be tellin' you everythin' stranger. Or I'd be out of business. Every one needs their trade secrets."

Leon walked away from the Merchant shaking his head.

"Yeah, I probably don't want to know anyway."

"Come back, anytime." The Merchant finished as Leon continued on.

-End of Chapter

-Next Chapter: Chicago Typewriter


	3. The Chicago Typewriter

-Resident Evil 4

-The Merchant's Pitch

-Chapter 3: The Chicago Typewriter

"Stranger. Stranger. Now that's a weapon."

The Merchant was wide eyed with admiration as Leon Scott Kennedy picked up the Chicago Typewriter. It was a large and fairly heavy machinegun with several wooden parts. However, any detail on the gun would have spoken for itself the minute it was recognized as a Thompson submachine Gun. The "Chicago Typewriter" looked to be of almost vintage quality. But on the same hand, was kept in excellent condition. The kind of condition only an enthusiast could maintain.

"That, is the finest .45 caliber machinegun you're ever goin' to find all the way out here." The Merchant laughed. "It has a muzzle velocity of 260 mps, 725 rounds per minute, and has an effective range of 55 yards. A bit noisy... but that really won't matter when you have a gun like that behind you."

Leon simply stared. It was unusual for the Merchant to gloss over such technical specifications. Most of the time, he only said something to the effect of 'buy the gun'.

"It's a real crowd pleaser. Heh heh."

Leon did the usual routine associated with inspecting a gun. Like aiming it and seeing how it would feel darting from one target to another. It was then he noticed there was a laser pointer just below the barrel, just like pretty much everything else the Merchant sold.

"I attached that part myself, seeing as you have a thing for laser guides." The Merchant explained quickly. "The rest of the gun is the real McCoy."

It was then Leon noticed the Merchant's tone. A bit too excited for his tastes.

"Just what is it you're so happy about?" Leon asked.

"Aw come on stranger. That weapon there, you couldn't get anymore American than that. You were made for it."

"Don't you mean it was made for me?" Leon corrected.

"No no, the other way around. That gun was born before you were."

"Humph. Fine... anyway, is that why you call it a 'Chicago Typewriter'?"

"Of course stranger. Back in your country, dishonest people with this gun often wrote little messages in walls with bullets. For anyone who thought to try and mess with em'. That reminds me..."

The Merchant came forward and moved Leon into a pose like some action figure. Now the American agent grasped the Chicago Typewriter in one hand pointing it downward, while his other hand was positioned to grasp some invisible pistol.

"Will ya look at that. Just like them pictures. All you need now is-"

"What?" Leon nearly laughed. "A pinstripe suit and a fedora?"

"Exactly!"

"Sorry. I kind of work on the other side of the law. Not to mention this isn't the twenties."

The Merchant backed off and crossed his arms.

"Well, you sure do know how to kill a good thing, stranger."

It was then there came an awkward pause between the Merchant and Leon. The agent went to cock the gun and checked it out some more. Eventually, he looked back up and flashed a grin.

"What? Did I hurt your feelings? I thought all you cared about was the money?"

"Money is all fine and good, stranger. But there are just some things you shouldn't joke around with. That weapon has history."

"History huh?"

Leon sounded a bit skeptical and this just fired up the Merchant even more.

"That gun has seen World War II, mate. Its probably killed more people than you did. You should feel lucky I'm around to even let you handle it."

This almost caused Leon to laugh. This Tommy gun was making the Merchant quite the talkative salesman.

"Aw, you don't know nothin', do you stranger? I got this gun from someone else in these parts. They got it from some secret mission as a reward you know. They said it was slowing them down, so I couldn't help but buy it. That gun carries accomplishment."

There was a loud click as Leon pulled the clip out, and a satisfying snap as he put it back in.

"Would it make you feel any better if I said 'I'll make you an offer you can't refuse'?"

"Heh heh. I knew you had it in you stranger."

"So, how much is this gun going to set me back?"

"Let's see here... oh... only about one million pesetas."

You didn't have to be Leon to feel his stomach drop or his eyes pop open in shock. He'd seen some outrageous prices before with this strange Merchant guy, but 1,000,000 pesetas were a new one on him. He nearly dropped the Chicago Typewriter in the process of thinking about it.

"Hey. Careful with that, stranger. It isn't yours yet."

"One million pesetas?" Leon exclaimed. "What makes you think I have that kind of money?"

"Because you're just so resourceful stranger. Plus, you Americans always seem to have money. Richest country in the world I hear."

Now Leon had entered the grumbling phase, looking over the weapon yet again. The Chicago Typewriter didn't look so hot anymore with the price tag attached. There was a part of him that wanted to haggle, but every other time he tried that the Merchant wouldn't have it.

"Don't worry none about ammo, stranger. With that gun, you won't be needin' to reload anytime soon. If you know what I mean. Heh heh."

"I don't see why I have to give you anything. I'm the one fighting for my life."

The Merchant nearly lost it through laughing.

"What? Hah hah. You thinkin' about stealin' it? Oh stranger, that's a good one. It ain't your style. Plus, I wouldn't recommend it. If you know what's good for you..."

Leon had his view trained on the red eyes of the Merchant. He had to remember that this character was infected, just like the rest of the villagers. The only real difference was the accent, the clothes, and the fact that the Merchant only seemed to use his parasite to tote a ridiculous amount of weaponry around. As strange as it was, at least it was helpful. There really was no telling what the Merchant was capable of if things got ugly.

"Fine. One million pesetas it is..."

Now there was someone one million poorer and another one million richer.

"The best money you've spent yet stranger. I'd say there won't be much of a cult left after you're done shootin' them up. Give it to them Chicago-style. Heh heh ."

It seemed as soon as Leon owned the gun, he was instantly in a better mood. Already, there was a part of him that wanted to find a whole crowd of Ganados to go towork on...

"You know stranger!" The Merchant yelled as Leon left. "Maybe you should invest in a suit or somethin'. Might just be a trendsetter!"

"I'll stick with the gun, thank you." Leon said to himself.

-End of Chapter

-Next Chapter: Infinite Launcher


	4. The Infinite Launcher

-Resident Evil 4

-The Merchant's Pitch

-Chapter 4: The Infinite Launcher

The Merchant was about to spout off another one of his personal comments regarding a weapon Leon Scott Kennedy had pulled from his selection... but there was something different this time. He couldn't help but save his expression and gaze over his most loyal customer's shoulder.

"Hey stranger. Who's your friend there?" He pointed out.

Leon turned around to look at Ashley Graham, the president's daughter and also the main reason why he was running around the European countryside. She was also the reason why he had to fall back on the mysterious Merchant throughout the course of his rescue attempt.

"Leon." Ashley started in a nervous tone. "Who is this guy?"

"Relax okay. He's cool." Leon assured her, then turned back to the Merchant. "She's the president's daughter."

"Ah... that explains a lot, mate. But enough about the pleasantries. Let's get down to the weapons."

There was a short moment as everyone loosened up, especially Ashley. She no longer hid behind Leon and moved to the side to see just what was going on. To her surprise, Leon and the Merchant were looking down at a Rocket Launcher with an olive drab missile tip. Of course, anyone going for accuracy in the name department would call it an RPG. But either way, it did one job perfectly well. Blowing stuff up.

"Hah hah. Stranger, not even the military needs this kind of firepower."

Leon carefully picked up the weapon known as the "Infinite Launcher" by the Merchant. Whether literally of figuratively, he didn't know yet. What he did know, that this particular variant of Rocket Launcher could be loaded again and again, as long as the wielder had arms and carried a pulse.

"So, stranger. Have a bad day?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Leon asked, slinging the RPG over his shoulder.

"What? Ha hah. You're thinkin' about buying one serious piece of artillery there. Don't tell me you aren't suffering from anger issues. Because the first step is admitting you have a problem."

"Leon, why are you buying that anyway?" Ashley asked. "It seems to me a... little overkill..."

"Don't worry Ashley. I know how to use this. Besides, I'll make sure whatever I'm shooting at is well off in the distance."

"Listen to the lady there." The Merchant laughed. "You're talkin' about blowing bits into bits. Nothin' gonna be left after you use that beauty. Not to mention... you might not be able to handle it."

"What?" Leon nearly shouted.

It was easy to see those weren't the best words to say to Leon regarding a weapon dealt out explosive death one rocket at a time.

"You got something to prove otherwise?" The Merchant continued.

"I bought those other Rocket Launchers. You didn't care then."

"Well, those only shot one rocket. Well within your experience mate. But here, here we're talkin' about something that can fire rockets like there's no tomorrow. You know what I'm sayin' stranger?"

Leon huffed and put his eye to the scope of the launcher. His plan was now to try and forget even the possibility someone doubted his experience with Rocket Launchers. However, his plan was flawed in the way that the Merchant, nor Ashley was going to stop giving him crap about the idea of buying such a weapon.

"Come on Leon, let's go." Ashley urged. "You got us this far already without that thing. We can go all the way... right?"

"Look Ashley," Leon began, bringing his eye away from the scope. "If you've seen what I've seen, you wouldn't even think twice about buying a Rocket Launcher. Some things in this world can't be killed any other way."

"Name one stranger." The Merchant challenged.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Leon answered quickly.

"Oh? Is that a fact? Need I remind you, I have quite an interestin' item in the ol' breadbasket."

The Merchant patted his chest. At that moment, Ashley noticed the glowing red eyes of the weapons dealer in the black coat.

"Leon!" She squealed. "He's one of them!"

"Oh great." The Merchant moaned. "Now you've done it, mate."

"What I've done? What about you? You're the one who brought it up!" Leon snapped back.

"Will ya' quit whining and calm her down. She looks like she's about to lose her head 'ere!"

Leon went into comfort mode. He had to try and remind Ashley that she had stood in front of the Merchant for quite a while and nothing had happened. He had to convince her that standing around would only continue to produce the same result. Nothing would happen.

"Look, I know he looks like one of them. But he's been helping me out so far. I don't think I would have made it here so quickly without getting some extra firepower now and then."

"But he's got those eyes!"

"Not my choice, little girl!" The Merchant defended.

"Look; let's put it this way. As long as I'm around, nothing will happen? Okay?"

"Okay..." Ashley said slowly. "Okay."

"Quite right. Now, where were we?" The Merchant wondered aloud.

"You were telling me I couldn't handle a Rocket Launcher." Leon answered in an annoyed tone.

"No, I told you, you couldn't handle an '**Infinite **Launcher'. There's a difference stranger."

Now Leon couldn't take any more of this stupid bantering. He was going to set the record straight once and for all. Even if everyone around him would most likely dismiss it as crazy.

"Listen to this. I've seen monsters that eat bullets for breakfast and use their own right hand as lethal weapons. I've seen the dead walk. I've seen killer plants. I went to Raccoon City the very day it went to hell. So if you don't get off my back, you're going to need that parasite just to keep breathing."

The Merchant didn't say anything right away; it looked more like he was thinking about something.

"Hold on there, mate. Did you say Raccoon City? Hah hah. My apologies stranger. By all means, help yourself."

"Thank you."

"By the way, that'll be one million pesetas stranger." The Merchant exclaimed.

"Dammit." Leon groaned.

-End of Story

-Thanks for Reading


End file.
